he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
