Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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