She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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