just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
