Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
