yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
