he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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