Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
