i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
