haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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