Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
