So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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