i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
