Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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