Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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