hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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