It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
