There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
no, he came in my armpit
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am one with the molecules
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
