And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
