i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
