How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
