Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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