You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
