Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
