youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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