if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
