Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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