shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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