I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
