Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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