You just made me feel so damn special
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
