every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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