OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
