i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize