just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
