They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize