Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
