Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
