Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
