I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
