I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
