i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
