Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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