You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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