Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
