I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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