i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
