ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize