You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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