the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
