I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
