he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
