Say something about gay babies.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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