i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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