Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
