i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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