??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
