Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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