If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize