I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
