this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
