Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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