He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
