so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
