I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
