Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
