Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
