Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
