forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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