Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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